The Kind of Friend That Enjoys Your Lunch Money

A couple of weeks ago, Q came home from school and declared that there was a bully on the bus. This bully apparently made fun of his glasses and told him he was ugly, etc. Of course, I reassured Q that a more ridiculous thing couldn't be said and that people act mean because they feel bad about themselves - so we should feel pity for this bully and try our best to ignore him.

Over the next few days, Q would come home complaining about another mean thing the bully said, and I would ask him, "Why are you still sitting by him? Sit somewhere else". Q would give me different reasons for why he had to sit by the bully and that there wasn't anything he could do about it. I figured I'd wait to see if it all blew over.

Last week, L came home in tears and Q was pronouncing her to be the newest victim of the bully. He apparently called her "lame" and this was very upsetting to L. So I said enough and asked Q to please talk to the bus driver about the problem so they could sit somewhere else on the bus. Q refused. "I don't like getting other kids in trouble." he said, which is understandable. I told him that something needed to be done and that if the bully was saying mean things, maybe he deserved to get into trouble. I gave Q an ultimatum - you talk to the bus driver or I'll talk to him. Q did not like this scenario and he offered an alternative.

Apparently, Q quickly realized his contribution to the issue. He told me that he sometime eggs the bully on by starting an argument, so he felt like he could make the mean comments stop by simply not talking to him. I told him he could try it out for a couple of days.

We no longer have a bully on the bus. Just a neighborhood kid that said some rude stuff, but that's behind us now. I have no way of really knowing what goes down on the bus. If I had panicked and made a big fuss before Q took on some responsibility for what was going on, I'm sure things would not have subsided so easily.

I'm very proud of Q for deciding to handle the situation with some maturity - maturity that I think is a bit beyond his 8 years. This situation has made me realize that one thing I want very much for my children, is to feel that the world is not a scary place. I want my kids to be street smart, while always looking for the good things and not focusing on the ugliness. After all, one persons bully is another kid's buddy.