Busted Toe

I have this friend - I'll call her 'A'. A grew up in Chicago, then moved around a bit, and we met here in New Jersey a few years ago. A has now moved to the west coast, but she is still very much with me. Each and every time I use the word "busted" I think of A. She introduced me to this truly satisfying term. Not that I had never heard the word "busted" before, but I had never used it properly.

When you say the word "busted" you have to really push it out. Use your gut - commit. It has to bust right out of your mouth (which reminds me that these rules also apply for proper usage of "bust" as well). It helps if you use the right accent. I call it Midwest - it's a stereo typical Chicago accent - like "oh, geeez". My friend, A has a voice I could listen to all day. Her accent is the best!

"Busted" of course replaces the word 'broken', or can be used when 'caught in the act'. "Bust" as in 'to burst' is usually used with 'out'. The first time I remember hearing A use "bust", she said her son wanted to "bust out" of his car seat. That is when I caught 'Bust Fever'. I wanted to find any opportunity to use the 'B' word. Whenever I drove on a bumpy road, I said the road was "busted up". When my pants felt a little tight, I was going to "bust out" of them. If my kids were jumping on the bed, they had better stop before they fall and "bust" their head open. If the cable was out, it was "busted".

Last night, I stubbed my toe pretty hard (the one next to my pinkie toe). Now my toe is busted. I regret the pain and swelling I am experiencing. I'm hobbling around, trying to keep it elevated, icing every couple of hours. It's a total pain in the foot (ha, ha). My only solace is that I have a really good reason to use my favorite word.

My friend A has been wonderful to me. She gave me my favorite cookbook, used to drop by just to say 'Hi' - very few people do that anymore, and tells me why she thinks I'm a great person. A is the kind of friend we should all aspire to be. I love her for that. I love her even more for giving me my favorite word... busted.

A Hop, Skip and a Jump Down Memory Lane

A few weeks ago, R made this great tree swing in the back yard. Every child who visits our house has to try it out (per Q and L's insistence). This swing is a source of great joy - and sometimes major frustration when someone feels gipped out of their proper turn. It has also caused a mother or two (not me) serious anxiety. This swing has made a mark on our lives this summer. It will be remembered fondly. It makes me think of my own childhood and those things that captured my heart at the time. Here are a few:

• The windmill in the back yard of our neighbor's house in Slidell, Louisiana - my life's first memory is of this tin windmill that seemed to tower so high
• The top of the staircase going up to the attic in the house my parents built in Louisiana - it was the only place I could pick my nose in peace
• The ditch behind our house in Billings, MT - not to be confused with the "Big Ditch" which was feared by all children due to the ceaseless reminders of "some kid" that drowned one summer, our ditch was small and held endless amazement... and loads Cattails
• The fire hydrant in the front yard of the Billings house - we would stand on top of it and strike crazy poses when cars drove past
• The race car video game at The Soda Fountain in Billings, MT - I can still hear that cheesy background music
• Any car my parents owned up until the age of about 10 seemed amazing and I would feel content just to sit in it... maybe roll the window up and down a little... open the glove box a few times... push some radio buttons... grab hold the steering wheel and do a little "Dukes of Hazard" drivin'
• The big pine trees in my Great-Grandparent's yard in Cowley, WY - they were big enough to allow a few of us to hang out under the boughs, so they became our "houses"... it worked great for playing house except that it was almost impossible to keep all those pine needles swept up off the "kitchen" floor
• Glades Drug Store in West Valley City, UT - my neighborhood friends and I would walk there and get a dollar's worth of Sour Patch Kids (that would mean 100 Sour Patch Kids for the walk home)

May I Have Your Order, Please?

I feel the need to admit a sad truth about myself. I have a terrible addiction. Though there are far worse addictions in life, I'm not sure that mine is the most benign in existence. I am constantly "jonesing" for McDonald's Diet Coke with an Oatmeal Raisin Cookie. Okay, okay, it's more like two cookies... sometimes three. I go through the drive-thru almost every day. On a bad day, I might go twice. This is a conflict for me on many levels. The first being that my kids are not only witnessing this, but typically participate in the habitual eating of cookies. It also bothers me that I am frequenting an establishment I don't approve of - except that I obviously do... I don't want to though.

I'm sure people with addictions that are more lethal would roll their eyes at my feeling tortured over the cookies and Diet Coke. That doesn't stop me from feeling like my life is hurtling toward a dark abyss.

To be honest, I have always held one kind of addiction or another. Thinking backwards; I've recently overcome my Nibs with Peanut Butter M&M's addiction, before that it was Hershey Pies from Burger King, prior to frequenting BK I went for Turtles Chocolates and before that was a long Swedish Fish obsession. And of course, soda has been my constant companion through all these addictions. For many years now (except for a few exceptions) I have had something sweet as least once a day. Am I alone? Is it normal to constantly think about when and where you'll get your next "fix"?

It's a little bit silly, but a little bit not. I would like to think I have some sort of control over my impulses, but the question constantly troubles me; will I ever be able to stop myself from doing something I know is not good for me? Is it even a matter of self control? Maybe I'm genetically predetermined to have a sugar/artificial sweetener addiction. Ultimately it doesn't matter to me why I do it. I will always feel tortured by my addiction.

Perhaps it's not the sweets I'm addicted to... maybe it's the being tortured by it.

You Can't Always Count On this Blog Being There For You

These last few weeks have been filled with a lot of ups and downs. I was working (doing trunk shows for the jewelry co. I've been working for) a lot, so that always makes me feel a little disconnected from my "normal" life. R's work has been crazy for him lately and the kids have been crazy as usual. We've had some sick loved ones and a loved one that was waiting to hear if they were sick - part of the "ups" is that they are not sick... phew. For whatever reason, when life gets crazy, I tend to say to myself, "Why must there be so much uncertainty?"

The answer, I suppose, is that life is full of uncertainty. As long as we are alive on this earth, we will be faced with challenges and changes - some good, some not so good. One thing we can bet on is that we can't know what is to come. I'm sure that those commuters in Minneapolis had no idea what was in store for them as they crossed that bridge over the Mississippi River - a bridge they had probably crossed countless times before. We carry on through our lives crossing bridges and relying on the people and things that have been there for us. The reality of life is that those things we count on can fail without notice.

So how can we live, day to day, without fear of the unknown? I am no master of adaptability, but I do believe that we should be continually striving to become better at adjusting to change. An important element of adjusting to change is maintaining your core strength - your soul's character. Everything around us can change, but our core strength can drive us to happiness. Happiness does not just happen, we "get" happiness. We find happiness in the details of our day, in the times of each season, in the memories of life. Even as we face sadness or fear our hope for better times can bring us happiness.

Getting happiness could also be explained as minimizing pain. Pain is unavoidably part of life. It is an essential part of life because without it, we wouldn't remember our mistakes. Too much pain, however can change us into people we weren't meant to be. It can cause us to react to life's challenges in unhealthy and unproductive ways. Pain can become the norm, and we forget what true happiness feels like.

When we experience pain, we can use that opportunity to make a change. Change of tactic, change of pace, change of perspective or change of heart.

Of course, these are all great ideas (or so I'd like to think) but how practical are they? I'll let you know when I've figured out how to use them.

Reminders of Who I Want to Be

I had a very hectic day yesterday. As a result, I was feeling pretty frazzled by the time we went to pick R up from the train station. Later that evening, the whole family went for a bike ride/run in the park (L & Q in the jogger pushed by R, and D in his baby bike seat with me). It was great weather and the park was full of people - we even saw a couple of people we know. After arriving home and putting the kids to bed, I had such a feeling of peace. I little physical exertion and some time outdoors in beautiful weather makes the most amazing difference! The fact that we did it as a family made the stress of the day melt away for each of us. It was like an attitude adjustment for the whole house - worth all the hassle of getting everyone out the door! I have to remember this remedy for tension and nasty attitudes!



I find that my kids are really good at reminding me of what I should be doing. The other day Q asked me why I drink so much soda. He has heard plenty of times that it's not good for you, so it made little sense to him that I would drink so much of it! I told him that I basically have a really hard time not drinking so much soda, and that I'm too old for my Mom to tell me "no more soda". He seemed to pity my situation. Q then offered to help me drink less soda by reminding me to only drink half the cup, instead of the whole thing. And he has! Whenever he sees me drink a Diet Coke, he always says, "Oh, Mom - remember to only drink half!" His plan is working, I'm drinking half the soda I used to.



If Q reminds me of what is good for me, L reminds me of what I'm lacking - most often that would be patience. She is such a determined little person! Her favorite line from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" is when Violet Beauregarde's mother says, "Eyes on the prize, Violet. Eyes on the prize." L repeats it often and seems to really identify with the Violet character. I LOVE her for this! I love that she won't back down or take no for an answer. I don't love that she won't back down from me or take no for an answer from me. Therefore, much patience is required on my part - and the unfortunate coincidence is that half the soda usually means half the patience. If I am completely honest though, I think most of my frustration stems from envy - I wish I could be more like L. To have such passion and energy would be awesome.





So that leaves D. What does he remind me of? As cheesy as it sounds, he reminds me that the best noise in the world is the pitter-patter of little feet. D goes about his business with little concern for others opinions of him. Whether his shirt has breakfast smeared all over it, his hair is messy in the back, or he isn't wearing pants; he doesn't worry if other people notice. He doesn't need someone else's approval to go after what he wants, and he certainly doesn't care if someone finds his current pursuit to be trite or pointless. As I listen to the pitter-patter of D's feet, it reminds me that he goes about his day with a mind clear of self-doubt.



Perhaps, with a lot of training, I will someday be more like my kids.