Moving Forward, While Looking Back

Last weekend I was able to attend my sister's Commitment Ceremony in Utah. Due to expenses and preserving our sanity, my husband and I decided I would go solo on the trip. While I was sad to not have my children and husband with me, taking that trip by myself was such a great experience for me.

First things first; flying without kids is like going to a spa... compared to flying with kids. I felt 50 pounds lighter walking around the airport and boarding the plane. I love my children and they are typically well behaved on flights, but even the most well behaved child on a plane is enough to drain several watts of energy out of any parent. Airplanes were not designed for children. There is absolutely nothing "kid-friendly" about airplanes or the whole process of boarding and deplaning. I didn't realize how true that is until I found out the joys of flying without kids. I suppose the best part was not feeling the constant hateful glare of the passengers that are mad at you for attempting to even bring a child on a plane... you know, those people who think a parent can and should actually control a child fully immersed in temper tantrum mode. Those people are funny. Ha.

After deplaning my spa in the sky, picking up my bag (yes, that's one bag... ahhhh), and meeting my sister, I felt refreshed by the crisp, dry desert air. It was good to be back. I miss my family all year, so being in Utah is a chance to ease my soul of that burden (it's a little dramatic, but fitting). Driving around Salt Lake City, I am reminded of how beautiful the mountains are, how clean the city is and how fast it all changes. New buildings and roads appear, seemingly, from out of nowhere. I am always surprised to realize that life goes on, even when you're not witnessing it.

While my schedule was packed with pre-ceremony events and several errands, I enjoyed my "out-of-normal-life" experience, and had an easy sort of feeling all weekend. I was able to reconnect with family, several friends (some I hadn't seen in many years) and a part of the country that holds many wonderful memories for me. I think I've been gone long enough to forget the ugly times... it's all good now.

I also met a lot of really wonderful people that I feel blessed to now count among my friends... and family. That's what's so great about a marriage, it brings so many people together.

At the end of the trip, I happened to be driving by myself through very familiar terrain. As I looked around and thought about what this place now means to me, I was struck by the idea that you can never come back to where you once were. You can never be the same person you were in the past. You can never recreate something you've lost by time.

This is good for me to understand. I love Utah and my family and friends. I have wonderful memories and every time I visit I feel reconnected to something special, something I miss - but I need to miss that something special. I need a place that is untouched by day-to-day reality. Though I can't exactly put into words why I feel this way, I simply know that the place that gives my soul a charge when I visit, would drain my soul of precious energy if I existed there.

I am beginning to understand an important truth; too much of a good thing, is simply too much.