Lessons From a Bug

We've had some kind of virus vexing our household lately - apparently, something is going around. It's "just a cold" but it has affected each of us a little differently. So far, I've only had mild symptoms but this virus has had a significant impact on me. I have learned a couple of valuable lessons because of this "just a cold" that I think I've needed to learn for some time.

The first lesson is that I really take my health, and my family's health for granted. The other night I read my kids a book called "The Boy of Steel". It's about a little boy with cancer who gets to be Bat Boy for a day at Yankee Stadium. As I read, I kept having to hold back the tears. There would be a long pause, and my kids would look up at me and say, "What is it?" I realized that my kids didn't understand why the book held such emotion because they have never experienced serious illness, either in their own lives or with someone close to them. Perhaps we won't always be so lucky, but the healthy years we've had (and hope to have in the future) are worth, I'm sure, more than I realize. A nasty virus may make us feel miserable and complicate our lives temporarily, but it's such an insignificant blip on the radar screen of health.

The second is that I'm not a very good listener sometimes. I do generally listen and could probably regurgitate whatever was said verbatim, but my emotion and energy is not always directed at better understanding the person whom is speaking to me. For instance, my husband is telling me about his cold symptoms and I'm "listening" attentively, but as he speaks I am thinking back on the last time I had a cold and how terrible it was. He says he's congested, I think about how bad my congestion was. He says his chest hurts when he coughs, I think about how my chest probably hurt worse than his last time I had a bad cold. Or maybe it didn't, but who cares because my chest hurt. Everything he tells me, I instantly relate to my experience and then say, "Gosh, that's really too bad. I know how you feel." I don't think it's wrong to use my own experiences to relate to his experience, but maybe instead of dwelling on how I felt I could focus on his feelings. Then, perhaps, I would be compelled to focus on his needs and how to better help him.

I also have realized that being a good listener should probably include some probing questions. If my husband tells me his chest hurts, perhaps I should ask how badly it hurts, or maybe find out what else hurts. I could follow up with some ideas to help him feel better. Of course the main thing, is to really mean it.

The last few days I have really tried to be a better listener. Old habits die hard, so I can't say I've been 100% successful in my efforts - but the few times I've been able to really focus on what the other person is telling me and dig a little deeper, I've realized how good it feels to care about other people. Care about them enough to want to truly understand them better.

Not only does it feel good to care about what other people are telling me, it distracts me from my own issues. I can take a break from worrying about how my hair looks, whether I am sounding smart or how many McDonald's cookies I've eaten too many of lately. Sometimes, it's nice to not be so caught up in my own crap... I can be caught up in someone else's crap instead.