I feel the need to admit a sad truth about myself. I have a terrible addiction. Though there are far worse addictions in life, I'm not sure that mine is the most benign in existence. I am constantly "jonesing" for McDonald's Diet Coke with an Oatmeal Raisin Cookie. Okay, okay, it's more like two cookies... sometimes three. I go through the drive-thru almost every day. On a bad day, I might go twice. This is a conflict for me on many levels. The first being that my kids are not only witnessing this, but typically participate in the habitual eating of cookies. It also bothers me that I am frequenting an establishment I don't approve of - except that I obviously do... I don't want to though.
I'm sure people with addictions that are more lethal would roll their eyes at my feeling tortured over the cookies and Diet Coke. That doesn't stop me from feeling like my life is hurtling toward a dark abyss.
To be honest, I have always held one kind of addiction or another. Thinking backwards; I've recently overcome my Nibs with Peanut Butter M&M's addiction, before that it was Hershey Pies from Burger King, prior to frequenting BK I went for Turtles Chocolates and before that was a long Swedish Fish obsession. And of course, soda has been my constant companion through all these addictions. For many years now (except for a few exceptions) I have had something sweet as least once a day. Am I alone? Is it normal to constantly think about when and where you'll get your next "fix"?
It's a little bit silly, but a little bit not. I would like to think I have some sort of control over my impulses, but the question constantly troubles me; will I ever be able to stop myself from doing something I know is not good for me? Is it even a matter of self control? Maybe I'm genetically predetermined to have a sugar/artificial sweetener addiction. Ultimately it doesn't matter to me why I do it. I will always feel tortured by my addiction.
Perhaps it's not the sweets I'm addicted to... maybe it's the being tortured by it.
3 comments:
Your thin, your beautiful, so your obviously not overdoing it, right?
Rarely have I understood you more.
Your last sentance says it all. You lick the cookie fettish one week and obsess about oh, I don't know...TV :) the next. I wonder if we (women in general) can't be happy unless we are obsessing about something. (I know I will never be:)
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